Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Today, I want to address a matter that has become a growing concern for me regarding the many wives that I meet. My concern is how we are treating and speaking to and about our husbands. I am always amazed at how disrespectful some women use their words to tear down and diminish the men they swore their very lives to… and usually they are complaining about mundane and unimportant issues that in the grand scheme of eternal life will not even matter.

I want to be clear about this. Our role as wives is to be a help to our husbands. We are to look out for them... to offer our instincts and give advice to them... in essence, to love them as ourselves and care for their spiritual growth. We are to treat them as we would our own self. After which, we are to trust their headship (which is an enormous responsibility for them).

The Bible teaches in Ephesians 5 that we are to submit to our husbands. This is a tall order, especially when we usually feel that we know better. However, this is how God designed marriage to function in a healthy and productive way. Later in Ephesians 5 (verse 33) it clearly tells us that “the wife must respect her husband.” This is key. When we respect our husbands, we are holding them up with esteem and honor in the important position God has given them. We are standing firmly by their side, praying for them - while trusting and motivating them to do what is right. We are their cheerleaders and best confidants! Unfortunately, this does not mean they will always do what is right…. but let’s be honest - neither do we. That is why we are to help and love each other in Christ.

In summary, I thought it important to remind and encourage Christian wives to really start thinking about how they are speaking and treating their husbands. What do your words and actions about him say about your love, faithfulness and character towards God’s intended design? This is your testimony, and if this is an issue for you, I encourage you to ask God and your husband for forgiveness. With Jesus in your marriage, together you can exhibit God’s love by being a living testimony of what “healthy” should look like. Let’s strive for that!



Note: If you are in an abusive/dangerous relationship that is distorted with ongoing, intentional sin that could physically harm you or your children, there is much more to be addressed than the form of "respect and submission" I am speaking about in this article.  In such circumstances, immediate separation from the threat with intercession and counseling from your pastor and/or designated church leaders, along with possible police involvement, is recommended for wives trapped in situations under serious duress.  Please note: Physical violence is illegal and should not be tolerated by anyone. No one should have to live in an unsafe environment.  Physical abuse is against the law, and the proper authorities should be the first ones contacted if this occurs.


  1. I have a comment, or question, or just a vent. My husband of 23 years came to me yesterday saying he wants to buy another rig (he used to be a truck driver, then he got a good job on base, but it's not a career). Yes, he can make more money, but to what extent? I'm afraid his health will suffer, as he now has diabetes, where he didn't before. He controls it with pills and the food he chooses. Now, the food out there on the road isn't that good, but he promises to eat good with his frig and microwave in the truck. Now, this also means my son and I will never see him. I feel I must submit to his wishes, but I also worry about his health. With the diabetes, and knowing how hard he works, I don't believe his legs and feet will be okay. All I know to do is pray that he will do the right thing, and that I won't be so stubborn. He will only do it if I agree to it, but I really don't want him to. Confused...

  2. Thanx for the advise, u truely touched my heart, just want to ask a question, what r u supposed to do when u respect ur hubby, he is joless and u settle all the bills for him u provide everything in that house but whet u get broke, he starts coming home late treating u like u never exist? its so hurting and painful.Please advise

  3. Respect is one thing...I do agree but standing firm on your beliefs is not disrespect. I am concerned for the lady who's husband wants to get another rig and has diabetes....Microwave food is not nutrious food, the radiation kills the nutrition in it.....sitting for long periods of time is not health wisdom. God's word is true.....We will reap what we sow, later than we sow and more than we sow. I believe this husband must also submit onto his wife as onto the Lord.....He needs to be home with his son and wife more than he is on the road. She must pray for God to change his heart, to see his home as a sanctuary and to see his son's need of a father at home.
    For the woman who's husband comes home at night and treats her as if she doesn't exist, pray, and pray some more. Be anxious for nothing and pray. God is our Father, and He cares for every detail of our lives.
    In my own experience with my husband after years of verbal abuse I almost collasped from weariness....I almost divorced him yet in my need I cried out to God and He answered me. He told me that I did not have to win every argument or tell my side, I just had to come to Him, my Father , who is God, the creator of the Universe and He would take care of the issues at hand. My husband has yet to surrender his life to the Lord, yet I am more happy then anytime in my marriage. Not because he has changed but because I know God is the author and finisher of his faith and I can run to my Father and He will answer my prayers. My husband is changing little by little and I have changed in that instead of trying to change his mind or situations I have changed my attitude about them, my faith is in God and what He can and is doing for our marriage. Intimacy with God is the key...being a doer of the word and not just a hearer only....it is in the doing that the blessings come....Daily intimacy with God, there is nothing like it, nothing can replace it....He is the lover of our souls....true contentment comes from him. Our husbands are but mere men, they will fail us, they will misuse us ....we must forgive and pray for them that they too will have intimacy with God for it is then and only then that they will be the husband God has called them to be. Blessings to all ! Love and prayers...Faithfully.

  4. You said it so well! What I hate is how the media demeans men! Commercials and television shows today make it look as though men have no brain at all and without their wives or girlfriends, would not be able to handle life! It truly can create great disrespect in my opinion! My husband is the head of our house a he should be, and I wouldn't want it any other way!

  5. thanks, I am getting married soon..
    This is a very valuable topic for me...since my fiance is not a deep christian I will lead him to Jesus..

  6. Thanks again, Victoria for another great blog that I needed so much. I appreciate your honesty with this subject especially in this world that we live in where so many women try to run their homes and dictate everything. In the Bible it says the wife is the weaker vessel, and like it or not, we must abide with it if we are to do God's will as a wife and be a help meet to our husbands. I know it's hard for me sometimes to always agree with my husband's ideas and things he thinks are best for our family. I mean I was raised in Church, while he never went much growing up. But the Lord has shown me to pray for him, not ridicule him, and then let God lead him. It's been so much better since I have been trying to do that. Now I'll never be the perfect wife I'm sure, but I'm so glad that I can pray and ask the Lord to help me. I get upset sometimes with my husband over really silly and trivial things and praise the Lord, God starts dealing with me. I had to call him at work just yesterday and apologize. Please pray for me to be better at following my husband especially as long as he is doing God's will. Thank the Lord for a Christian husband who is truly trying to lead his family down God's path. Thanks again for the great blog.

  7. For the lady who's fiance is not a "deep" Christian please, please, beware....sure you can lead him to Christ but don't make the mistake of so many Christian women. They are so desparate to be married that they accept second best, taking a man in marriage who is not intimately in love with our Father God is only asking for deeper trials. My husband, at first said oh yes I am a believer but I didn't realize at the time how important it was for him to be exhibiting fruit. I saw red flags but ignored them...his temper, his lack of compassion for others, no prayer life, no Bible reading or study and pride. After we were married all those red flags became fire alarms and through the years made my married life anything but cherished. I learned to have my own relationship with the Lord and that to seek Him with all my heart. I learned to pray fervently and got myself a prayer partner that met with me to this day once a week. I understand you may love this man but I have seen and experienced myself the heartache it causes when we don't wait on God and compromise in our dating those who are not truly commited to the Lord. I hope the best for you beloved, please try to get your fiance into a mens Christian group, perhaps invite them over with their girlfriends and wives to to encourage a deeper relationship with God. He needs friends who are bold for Christ, who will help him in his walk with God....it is not too late and I will remember you both in my prayers. God bless you dear one.
    Kind Regards in Christ,

  8. I was married to a man who whilst faithful, was not at all respectful, decieved me, verbally abused me, and was not a good husband or father. I did my best to make things work and yet he constantly disrespected me & allowed his son to do also. Finally we broke up and I praise the lord for leading me into my new life. I do not know if God had a reason for me spending some of my life with this man or whether it was my own doing from not following the right path, or ignoring signs at first maybe? all i know is I prayed it would work out and it didn't but since leaving that environment lead by a non-believer, the Lord has blessed me so much and I have faith that he will lead me to a good upstanding christian man, a man of god. Yes, we should respect our men and they in turn should lead us but also be respectful and loving.

  9. Amen. This article is a blessing and can transform marriages :) Thank you!