Wednesday, November 18, 2009

who really wins the argument?

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. ~Proverbs 25:11

When my husband, Chuck, and I were married, I never thought that we would ever have any problems, quarrels or disagreements. I imagined a perfect life together. We could not possibly be one of those couples who fought over petty differences -we had too much fun being together. Then, reality set in and we had our first disagreement. My first instinct was to defend myself and start complaining and disputing about all the things I felt he could improve upon. I established my argument and was ready to attack full on. In my mind, it was war, and I strategically began to formulate my plan of how I would end up the victor.

Oh, how we love to argue. How we love to be the winner. How we want to always be the one who is ALWAYS right. Unfortunately, I was not right. Even worse - I didn't have the right attitude about how to trust and relate to the man I betrothed my whole life to.

Wisely, my husband did know better. He calmly and rationally sat me down and gave me the statement of the century. It was so profound and wonderful that I think all loving husbands should make it a priority - a code to live by - and a common theme to communicate to their wives....

He said, "Vicki, I'm not disagreeing with you because I'm mad or want to hurt you.... I love you. I'm disagreeing with you because I want what is best for you. I am not your enemy. You are the most important person on earth to me. So please get it out of your mind that I am against you and listen to what I am saying because my intentions are based in love."

Wow. How do you fight that? How do you win a battle against an "enemy" that is really your greatest ally? Because I disagreed with a stupid detail, I had given into Satan's lie that somehow Chuck was against me and I had to WIN a battle. All I was doing was complaining and preparing a big dispute - rather than trusting God and the man he gave me to marry. How often do we do this? How often do we get so caught up with our argument that we can't see past ourselves to the people we love? I mean really, what is more important....if the laundry is folded and put away, if the TV is turned off, if the toothpaste cap is screwed back onto the tube - OR - if we have a supportive, growing relationship with one another?

By no means am I suggesting that you don't share your cares and concerns with one another. By no means do I mean putting yourself in a "doormat" position. But come on. We are not always right. In fact, I find that I'm usually wrong but too proud to admit it. The only person who really wins when we argue against one another is Satan. I don't want Satan to win anything when it comes to my relationships - do you? Instead of disputing with one another, let's approach all things in love. As we learn to love one another as God commands, we learn to look beyond our selfishness and care about each other's well being.

So, give your attitude a check-up the next time you feel your blood boiling over a matter with your spouse, family member or friend. Is it really THAT important in the grand scheme of life for you to WIN the fight? Or, are you willing to let God use the experience as an opportunity to share and relate better with one another without drama or war being waged?

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault. ~Philippians 2:14-15



  1. Vicki, congrats on the wise growing God´ve given you so far... and on the blessed husband you´ve got fom HIm.
    Love is the most important thing and we must learn to let it be leading our paths!
    God bless you!

  2. It's a great lesson of love and caring marriage.

  3. This lesson is a blessing.